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 | Fixture Details | |  | | |
Home | Return to Division Fixtures
| Nom | Home Player | Nom | Away Player | Result | Games |
| 1 | Chris Sayer | 1 | Dave Partridge | 0 | 3 | 6/9 0/9 7/9 | | 3 | Tom Candy | 2 | Matt Partridge | 3 | 2 | 1/9 2/9 9/7 9/2 9/5 | | 4 | Gary Mitchell | 10 | Pete Fraser | 3 | 0 | 9/4 9/3 9/5 | | 5 | Jerry Staffurth | 7 | Paul Barnard | 3 | 2 | 9/6 4/9 4/9 9/4 9/3 | | 6 | Chris Shepherd-Barron | 11 | Dave Wallis | 3 | 0 | 9/0 9/6 9/1 | | | | | | | | | | | Games: | 12 | 7 | |
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| | | Bonus: | 5 | 0 | |
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| | | Result: | 17 | 7 | |
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| Report: | [Revenge at last for the 'B' Cup. And the 'PJ' sympathy memorial fund swollen by a generous gift of 17 points thanks to Dave (Mr Heart) Wallis of Fredericks who set an example for all Div 2 captains to follow. However, both Knole and Freds are now stuck so far up the middle of the table, even Mourinho's cashmere blanket wouldn't budge them.]
The evening started with the number 3's unfortunately Peter peaked in the knock up. The crisp hitting maestro was reduced to a tin basher and lost 3-0 despite the marker’s attempts to save him by forgetting the score.
PJ made a welcome appearance straight from work (which I assume was from a local holiday camp judging from the jacket). Despite being sidelined by injury he did manage to get a few barges in on the balcony before the end of the evening.
The Number 1's were next. Dave P playing with one eye due to a contact lens problem dispatched the one armed Chris Sayer in 3. There are those that claimed KP were marking with one eye but that's another story.
Fives were next. The sprightly Chris Shepherd-Barron (the only KP player under 50, JJ’s words not mine) was far too quick for the rather portly freds number 5 (there again who isn't - Gary Barrett perhaps?)
Fours next. An evenly balanced contest saw the in form Paul Barnard narrowly lose to Jerry in five [you copied this from the last three matches between them, didn't you Dave? - JJ].
Last were Matt and Tom, always an exciting contest, not normally for the squash though. Matt cruised to a 2-0 lead but Tom managed to claw back to 2-1 with considerable assistance from an incompetent marker, allegedly (but then aren't they all Matt?) At 2-1 JJ took over the marking, Chris desperate for a drink [shower, apparently - JJ] took the opportunity to get to the bar before it closed to get his allotted one drink. (Evidently rationing has not yet been lifted in Sevenoaks) Tom went on to claim a scrappy 3-2 to take the match 4-1. [Just to add that I thought the marking was good and fair - and respect and immense credit to Tom, who will now be known as 'the limpet' for his outstanding tenacity - or 'tall limpet' because of his height - JJ]
Freds retreated to the Bar. Unfortunately JJ had declared a drought and each away player was subjected to his sweatometer and allowed just enough fluid to replenish that lost in the match. Gary was adjudged not to have sweated at all and was banished from the clubhouse. Not being familiar with the strict regime Dave P got in early and consumed a whole pint of lager and four bottles of Becks, a KP record. (Normally the amount allowed for a whole team) The barmaid was charged with excessive watering for non commercial purposes and has since been fined and disciplined. The KP team ordered their normal pint of water and five straws.
Before last orders JJ donned his pyjamas, took the last sip from his horlicks, collected the straws from his team mates and brought a close to the evening. The bar bill was at a dizzy £10.60 and the barman complaining that he was only supposed to work until 9.30 on a Tuesday.
The Freds team, still parched, disappeared to their local to sink a few pints before closing.
[Great to have your reports back, fb. I have made a few minor tweaks, without detracting from your riveting account of the Knole Hospitality. I should note that your boys left three puddings uneaten. We are saving these for the Plate visit of BCC1 who, despite pretending not to like dessert, seem to have managed to tuck into Tunbridge Wells' spotted dick (no custard) yesterday! - JJ]
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| Author: | JJ & Fatboy |
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