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Home | Return to Division Fixtures
| Nom | Home Player | Nom | Away Player | Result | Games |
| 1 | Chris Sayer | 3 | Matt Partridge | 3 | 1 | 6/9 9/7 9/6 9/5 | | 2 | Tom Candy | 6 | Ross Fraser | 3 | 0 | 9/6 9/3 9/8 | | 6 | Mark Fleming | 7 | Paul Barnard | 0 | 3 | 3/9 2/9 3/9 | | 7 | Chris Morgan | 11 | Pete Fraser | 3 | 2 | 3/9 9/4 9/7 6/9 9/2 | | 8 | John Creek | 13 | Elliot Knight | 3 | 0 | 9/3 9/5 9/5 | | | | | | | | | | | Games: | 12 | 6 | |
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| | | Bonus: | 5 | 0 | |
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| | | Result: | 17 | 6 | |
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| Report: | ‘Fatboy’ or ‘Wally’ Wallis (the Fredericks Captain) is as straight as they come. So, when JJ read that Freds (Fredericks) were bringing an ‘under-strength’ team, he knew it would be kosher (legit).
Just to make sure there was no funny business, under incomprehensible and redundant rules 13 a, b, c & d, Captains exchanged lists of players – broken down by age and sex (Actuarial joke). And that was just the ones who weren’t playing! Freds had brought more supporters than players; the combined weight of the ample-girthed onlookers being enough to strain the balcony to breaking point.
JJ had expected to be playing his nemesis and opposing captain – the ‘never knowingly underfed’ Fatboy (apologies to the John Lewis Partnership). Instead, he got Elliot, Freds’ surprise package, who bore a striking resemblance to JJ 43 years ago. Pausing only to try to remember when he had last played anyone born this century, JJ quickly donned his cloak of ruthlessness and rattled off the first four points. Then the heat and humidity set in; followed closely by the onset of muscular atrophy. Luckily, the marker’s cries of encouragement and advice to Elliot served only to spur on the old crock. By the end of the third, JJ was hanging on to his last breath and ounce of sinew. But he did hang on. I’m sure that will be the last time Elliot will lose to someone four times his age. Watch out the sixty-somethings (Messrs Lewis and Spittle should be on their guard). You’re next.
By the way, great to see a boy with an immaculate sense of fair play. I wonder when they lose it?
1-0 to the home boys Knole became 2-0 when the two huff’n’puffs, Chris & Pete exchanged gifts. Neither looked like they had anything left in the tank after two games; but Pete was the first to throw in the towel in the fifth.
Tom is getting used to the fast starts of his Freds opponents – having played Matt last time. So, it was surprising to see him trying to out-bash the slam-bam Ross straight from the off. It worked though, as Tom proved the more consistent in the occasional rallies. The adrenalin at one point in the third game may have carried him away, though. Sevenoaks has recently gained fame as a dangerous place and Tom, who is still using his old 1978 version of the SRA rule book, executed one outrageous ‘turn, aim and fire’ manoeuvre that left his opponent, the marker and the gallery stunned but unharmed. It all happened so quickly, there was no time to give the customary ‘drop your weapon’ warning. It was sufficient to knock the last bit of stuffing out of Ross and it gave Knole the points to drag them up from just below mid-table to just above mid-table.
Matt has only ever won the first game against Knole – and possibly against anyone. And he did not disappoint those looking for consistency. Chris (bad back from head first sofa diving – I didn’t realise it was an Olympic sport) did just enough in the next three to cement his record as a putter-awayer of part of the Partridge family.
In his penultimate game before the bonds of wedded bliss take hold, Paul (‘Flat Eric’ or ‘Gaging’) slowly took on Man of the Week (Week 3) Mark in the extremely dead rubber. The KP tin man is back! And with more ‘f’s to the mile that before. Mark was anxious to get off court, but was delayed by post-traumatic-stagnight-Paul’s sudden departure at 2-0 and 4-2. Apparently a touch of the pre-nuptual collywobbles. As no rule could be found to cover mid-game vanishing, Paul was allowed to continue to claim the consolation win for Freds. In between groans, he did look sharp. Let’s hope his form doesn’t suffer when he plays with a ball and chain.
The bar bill was just within reasonable bounds – I think that the travelling army of supporters were cowed by the Amida experience last winter. And Elliot’s coke helped. We look forward to the return drubbing, FB.
P.S., P.C. I would like to nominate Flat Eric for Team of the Week at no. 3. For playing above his station; battling against an unmentionable tropical disease – probably amoebic dysentery – and despatching former Team of the Week player Mark – before sacrificing himself upon the altar of matrimony.
JJ A well deserved win for Dad's Army (does that mean that JJ is really Pike?) agree with your comments re Eric a great performance against the odds. Unfortunately couldn't stay for the after match celebrations. I hear that Acacia are looking for a replacement for Darren, from last night's performance Mark could fit the role well will you be able to hold onto him during the transfer window?
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| Author: | JJ & FB |
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