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 | Fixture Details | |  | | |
Home | Return to Division Fixtures
| Nom | Home Player | Nom | Away Player | Result | Games |
| 3 | S Falla | 2 | M Harrison | 0 | 3 | 5/9 1/9 3/9 | | 4 | M Badger | 1 | A Martin | 3 | 1 | 6/9 9/7 9/8 9/4 | | 10 | R Lewis | 4 | P Jones | 2 | 3 | 4/9 4/9 9/2 9/2 2/9 | | 18 | L Yewlett | 8 | G Seed | 1 | 3 | 6/9 9/5 8/10 7/9 | | 14 | R Williams | 9 | D Lark | 1 | 3 | 9/7 8/10 6/9 9/10 | | | | | | | | | | | Games: | 7 | 13 | |
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| | | Bonus: | 0 | 5 | |
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| | | Result: | 7 | 18 | |
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| Report: | well played Amida!!
The lovely lifeguard was clearly distracting the Bexley players with her pool-side antics. All that testing water temperatures and blowing whistles!!!
ps...h/a fixtures swapped due to England match.
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Languishing at the bottom of the table and struggling all season to put together a convincing display worthy of the potential Kent club champions that they are, Amoeba (I mean Amida) suddenly came alive with a dominant show of force against Bexley.
The club – unfairly nicknamed Bottomfeeder - had lost narrowly at Bexley (during the heatwave) but there was no mistake this time as they racked up a 4-1 victory.
Momentum started with Dan ‘Kung-Fu “Took her to a sauna on Wednesday”’ Lark establishing an early lead against Ross. His hard graft and unbelievable fitness (for a hairdresser salon manager) paid dividends as his opponent became flustered at his own inability to put the ball away. On several occasions Kung Fu even had time mid-rally to turn around to ask the marker whether he should get a let or stroke. On one such occasion, poised mid-air in traditional kung-fu stance, he turned, gestured for a stroke, decided he was not going to get one from the sleeping Alex ‘El Kunto’ Martin, refocused on the ball and smashed it into the front right-hand corner nick. In the press conference after, he said that Buddha was guiding him. He also thanked his training partners, Pigsy, Sandy and Monkey for getting him in such good shape. It did not go all of Kung Fu’s way though, as Ross pulled a game back to make a match of it, but ultimately it was not enough. Unanimously, the journalists voted Kung Fu winner of the ‘Champagne Moment Award’.
Mike ‘the Diplomat’ Harrison faced an older but very fit and canny Steve and the Diplomat required all of his arbitration skills to negotiate his way around such a crafty opponent. Steve appeared somewhat slower and off the pace compared to his performance against El Kunto in the first encounter between the teams at Bexley. His PR agency said that he had been up since 5am, returning from high-level business in Switzerland. The Diplomat forced the pace early on, driving Steve into the back corners, making him work hard on every point. Such was the frequency of the Diplomat’s length, one wondered if he would ever dare hit a drop. The Diplomat’s consistent rail hitting eventually got the better of a beleaguered Steve, who went down 3-0. “I felt good and was confident. I knew that I could also threaten the referee to good effect if things did not go my way but thankfully I didn’t need to”, the Diplomat said. Steve was not around for comment. One suspects he was off for a sleep.
For the second time this season Paul ‘the Dictator’ James met Rob. Rob has closed out a very tight first match between the teams with some intelligent and tactical play to take the deciding rubber and this game lived up to its billing. The Dictator got off to a speedy start and managed to dominate the T for most of the first two games with some patient length and timely volley interceptions. This paid off and he strode into a 2-0 lead. But Rob’s match experience came to the fore as he subtly turned the tables and dominated the following two games to such an extent that the Dictator could barely get a point (unless from a mishit). As Rob’s length improved (no jokes please), the Dictator found himself permanently behind (no jokes please), scrambling crab-like in the corners trying to retrieve as Rob killed off point after point with some deft drop shots and volley kills. Rob held the psychological advantage going into the fifth but the Dictator suddenly shifted gears and started doing what he had done in the first two games, getting onto the ball faster, hitting it with more purpose and volleying more accurately. The change was so quick that within minutes the Dictator was up 8-1. Rob continued to challenge with some fine kills off the serve but it was only to make the Dictator wait for victory for a few more minutes.
On court three Grant ‘Hack it’ Seedy was up against L Yewlett, a Huddersfield supporter (someone has to), although to be fair he is from that part of the world (take note you superficial Man U supporters). Grant had struggled to convert winning positions into wins throughout the season despite having steadily improved game by game, a victim of inconsistency at telling times in matches. But this performance was solid. His shot-making and ability to chase the ball when needed was enough to seal a deserved 3-1 victory. “I can’t believe I actually outran an opponent”, he said. Yewlett had other matters to consider, “I missed the Huddersfield’s first game of the season against Gillingham last week”, he said, “that was the key factor”.
With Amoeba up 4-0 it was up to long-standing captain Alex ‘El Kunto’ Martin to wrap up confidence-boosting evening for the team with a win. As with most of El Kunto’s matches, the outcome depended on whether he felt like running or not. As one wry observer said, “ One could be mistaken for calling him El Consto, is he not running because he needs a ….. I have some effective laxatives?” El Kunto told The Beckenham Herald last week that his closed-season preparations had been marred by the arrival of too many babies. “I’ve been having trouble with my movement ever since I became a dad and got addicted to Teletubbies,” he said. Regardless of preparation it is always a joy to watch El Kunto wrong-foot and bamboozle opponents (and the audience) with audacious and effortless drop shots, trickle boasts and killing drives from all areas of the court. The ease with which he can hit the nick can infuriate opponents and it did so in the first as El Kunto marched (walked slowly) into a 1-0 lead. But Bexley’s M. Badger fought on bravely, and gradually, after some excellent and wilful retrieving, he stole more and more points, levelling the match at 1-1. At this juncture, Amoeba’s kitchen staff, insisted on team members having dinner as they had cooked steak especially. As news of this travelled to El Kunto, he said, “We won’t be long.” And he promptly lost 3-1 not before Grant ‘Hack-it’ Seedy, the reluctant marker, had to ask to ask the players the score, having been distracted by all the steak-talk.
Most of the post-match press conference focused on Kung Fu’s upcoming encounter with Wednesday Girl. Having been corned into attending a sauna in a pair of 1970s Speedos on only his second date, the talk is that Wednesday Girl could become Thursday and Friday Girl before long. Leaving Saturday free for others. Kung Fu’s game might be picking up – on and off the court – but have Amoeba left it too late in the day to survive the drop? We might need to consult Grasshopper on that one.
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| Author: | SB / Paul |
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