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| Away Report: | The Park Langley clown show rolled down the hill and into Dulwich on Thursday.
The legendary engine room of the team as usual didn't disappoint with victories at 3 and 4 for Park Langley. Harry in particular may feel the score didn't quite reflect the match having been 5-2 up in both the 1st and the 3rd, before falling to an awesome array of lucky frames and shanked mishits from one of the league's outstanding talents.
Stuart, backed up by some appallingly soft marking throughout, was in control of his game although took his foot off the pedal in his third allowing his opponent back in. He was able to recover to take the match in the 4th, much to the chagrin of his teammates. Duncan surely would have won, and won easily, if the marker had stood firm against Stuart's squealed and desperate calling. A win, but an embarrassingly pathetic one.
Easy Si continues to live up to his title, with Harry showing clemency to allow him a few points for the team before ridiculing him in the final game of the 5. Like a cat playing with a mouse he toyed with his opponent, doing a good job of making Simon's loose, midcourt filth look like it was a minor challenge. Quite how a team at the top of the league (For. The. Moment) can have a number 2 (For. The. Moment) with a 33% win rate is beyond the compression of the author and I would opine an inquiry of some sort be set up to investigate if anything untoward has taken place.
Andy has been playing very well this season and started in great form, feeding Ivor a brutal bagel in the first. He came back well from 7-0 down in the second to put himself in contention, although with both players having opportunities to win, and one ridiculous decision, ultimately Ivor won through. He then pushed on to take the match 3-1. Leaving the result tantalisingly set up.
All the chat on the way over the hill from Park Langley’s no1 and charlatan-in-chief was about the revenge he was going to dish out to Ben. It would be EASY Brett chanted; previous defeats were of such an anomalous nature that they had to be placed alongside Leicester vs the Premier League, Douglas vs Tyson and Steve Bradbury* in their likelihood. So I didn’t really intend to take in much of this one-sided romp to victory for Parklangley and their esteemed number 1, but decided to watch a bit.
Mid-way through the first game your author’s eyes began bleeding profusely as his body urgently attempted to blind itself. A desperate attempt to stop observing what was unfolding on court.
A clearly bored Ben stared on aghast as Brett hit not the tin, but the floor with shot after shot. With a deft and delicate touch Brett found the middle of the centre of the court with unerring accuracy. A clever tactic designed to force his opponent to select literally any shot he wanted to play; again, and again and again. Ben decided, like any reasonable coach, that he’d have to increase the parabolic angling of his shots to afford Brett more time to get to the ball and at least have a bit of a run around. Brett responding to this compassion by metaphorically spitting in Ben’s face and trying to hit the roof of the court with a couple of boasts. After honourably trying to make a game of it Ben understandably decided he’d done enough and could do no more so swiftly put Brett, and the watching throngs, out of their misery.
Readers will be interested to note that this third crushing of the Brettapus by Ben was meet with similar incredulity on the drive home and that the NEXT meeting would DEFNATELY result in a certain victory for the legendary lob-dropper – I’d encourage all to come down to Park Langley on Tuesday 13 March and witness this absolutely assured occurrence take place. Watch out for those flying pigs on the way over to PL Towers though.
Dulwich's post match banter could most charitably be described as mediocre and more accurately, as poor. Andy ate ALL the curry in south London and still wanted more. Politeness would dictate I should say we look forward to the return but I'd rather punch myself in the face than witness such a wretched “performance”. I’d look for the lifeboat of a spot on one of the other PL teams but somehow they are an even more shambolic mess of egotistical losers than the failures in this team. No wonder they don’t want Squash anywhere near the Olympics.
* youtube.com/watch?v=fAADWfJO2qM |
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| Author: | KMcC |
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