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Home | Return to Division Fixtures
| Nom | Home Player | Nom | Away Player | Result | Games |
| 3 | Matt Gill | 12 | Ian Armstrong | 3 | 1 | 6-9, 9-6, 9-3, 9-5 | | 5 | Andy Blackman | 13 | Brendon Hughes | 0 | 3 | 3-9, 0-9, 2-9 | | 6 | Simon Joyce | 15 | Jeremy Birckbeck | 2 | 3 | 9-5, 9-1, 1-9, 4-9, 5-9 | | 7 | Ian Smith | 16 | Andrew Dawes | 3 | 2 | 9-2, 4-9, 3-9, 9-4, 9-2 | | 9 | Geoff McMullan | 23 | Ian Griffin | 1 | 3 | 4-9, 9-4, 2-9, 4-9 | | | | | | | | | | | Games: | 9 | 12 | |
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| | | Bonus: | 0 | 5 | |
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| | | Result: | 9 | 17 | |
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| Report: | Dulwich II v Beckenham on 8.7.2008.
The Men of Dulwich Strong and True produced an extraordinary performance with a magnificent win over Beckenham on Tuesday last gaining a healthy 17 much needed points.
This means that Dulwich II’s maintain their impressive unbeaten run so far this summer season and thus remain top of Division 2.
The team was much weakened when Steve Harsum had to pull out at the last minute (no rude thoughts / jokes please!!) and I R Griffin had to step up to the plate and play at number 5. Ergo the entire team had to play up and with Beckenham a solid team this was always going to be a tough night.
Griffin played a solid game to beat an ever so slightly chubby chap (which is somewhat rum coming from Griffin) 3-1 on very hot courts. Griffin lost the 2nd game blaming the fact that his opponent vomited after the 1st game thus putting him off somewhat. To be fair Griffin was also still in shock as to the recent electronic communiqué from Lord Harsum on the basis that Dr H had actually a) read an e-mail, b) replied to it and c) had wildly and rampantly used arial font in his reply. What a shocker!!!!!!!!
Andy ‘scores on the’ Dawes seemed to be in control of his match at 2-1. His opponent is clearly a very good player, although it was said by somebody that he was getting on a bit.
On the age issue the average age of the Dulwich II player on Tuesday was 38.888 recurring years of age. This average age is massively reduced by Brendan ‘Howard’ Hughes playing for the team as he is 28 (allegedly). I can now say that my ‘average age is 38.88 – Excellent!
Anyway despite his ‘slightly older than me’ advanced years, Dawes’s opponent was amazingly quick around the court to the point of irritation. Despite playing a fine match Dawes went down 3-2.
The aforementioned Mr Hughes (Brendan) is making purposeful strides into the Kent League and is yet to lose a match. At ½ way through the season it is likely that he will be re-nominated to play at 2. I say likely as there may have to be a play off between Ian A and Brendan H for the coveted number 2 slot (no rude thoughts / jokes please!!). Any way Brendan thrashed his bloke 3-0.
Ian ‘the driver of the night’ Armstrong (is ‘the driver of the night’ a Meatloaf song??) was in resplendent form screaming and arguing away and despite being in complete control throughout the entire match and his opponent having no idea how to play his twiddly, widdly trickly boasting style strangely lost 3-1. Most odd!
Thus the match was delicately poised at 2-2. Guess who had to play next. Yep!! Jezza B!!
Jezza was making his return for the 2’s after playing up for the 1st’s last week. Funny thing, with W Brownsdon driving and JJB helping with navigation the entire 1st team save Andy Moore, did not arrive for the game for at Biggin Hill until 8.30 pm on the dot. Surprise that!!
Anyway back to the Beckenham game and before I go onto to explain about the inevitable 3-2 win by JJB I think some context ought to be given to this performance. JJB has been unwell!! See below for an e-mail he sent me on Monday 7.7.2007 :-
“IRG,
I played yesterday lunchtime and hurt my back - I think the diagnosis is a compound stress fracture of the 3rd lower cruciate disc. If you have a decent replacement for me tomorrow, I would prefer to stand down (though happy to drive if needed). If not, I can play but am not sure how mobile I will be!
JJB
Thus it was with much concern as to Lord Birkbeck’s back and well being I did thus reply with this sympathetic e-mail:-
Dear Sir,
As to your recent diagnosis I am very sorry to hear that you are unwell. However and with the greatest of respect (i.e. none) I would like to make a couple of points. Cruciate normally relates to the 'form of a cross' Thus we have cruciate ligaments in our knees as they are cross shaped. If these ligaments are torn sufficiently they require repair. The very nature of a disc i.e. a round flat object (from the latin discus, Greek diskos) would contraindicate the existence of a 'cruciate disc' at all.
I suspect that in discussion and general sport observation you have heard the term cruciate as it applies to knees.
There are 4 areas of vertebrae, cervical (neck), thoracic (chest) lumbar (lower back) and pelvic (buttocks and sacrum). Between these vertebrae are the 'discs' to which you refer. They are made of cartilage and thus cannot be fractured. They are normally 'ruptured' and in colloquial parlance this is known as the 'slipped disc.' Management of this injury has changed over the years and now hardly ever requires an operation and is treated conservatively (by doing nothing). a slipped disc however can be very painful and require bed rest for 14 days.
In any event fractures are never compound and stress at the same time. Compound fractures relate to open wounds where the broken bone(s) stick out of the flesh and are caused by severe trauma. Stress fractures by their very nature are caused by long term wear and tear and thus are not caused by severe trauma and can only be detected by x-rays. As to the asserted 'compound' nature of your 'injury' I would be most concerned if one of your discs / vertebrae was sticking out of your back. I suspect that if this was the case driving would be out of the question.
Thus without in any way seeking to challenge your most learned self diagnosis I can confidentially say that your diagnosis is, as purported by you in your recent communiqué, utter bollocks. I also feel quite confident that I do not require my 'mate from Australia' to assist in this matter.
I suspect that you have pulled a small muscle in your back and / or have a bit of degenerative wear to your spinal column commensurate with your age. This will require no treatment save the taking of Ibuprofen (non steroidal anti-inflammatory) 200 mg three times per day.
On this basis and on the further basis that there is no-one else to play tomorrow you are required to attend at Beckenham to play squash, shall we say by 8.30 pm.
Regards Dr Ian Ross Griffin, FRCKIA ( Fellow of the Royal College of Know it Alls)
So it was thus that after Jeremy had struggled out of his wheelchair and eventually got changed (minus his favourite sweat shirt) and was hoisted onto the court the match proceeded in the usual OO8.30 fashion.
After the first point IRG said to Dawes that this had 3-2 written all over. Dawes pointed out that was not a particularly difficult prophecy with which we all agree I am sure. William Hill will nom longer take bets on JJB winning 3-2 apparently.
So it was that JJB lost the first two games playing rubbish. Then he got his act together and once he started to ‘zone it’ there was clearly no hope for his incredibly frustrated victim. Another one bites the dust. Amazing and a fantastic performance, well done JJB. Match of the night!!
Beckenham are a good bunch of blokes and ham egg and chips always goes down well unless of course you have just been ‘Jezzered’
And that’s all I have to say about all of that, apart from
Commmmmmmmmmme Onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!
IRG
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| Author: | IRG |
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